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    Scrolling jokes from around the World... Here they come !! (Below)


    HERE is the top joke in the UK:

    A woman gets on the bus with her baby. The driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen, ugh!”

    She sits down fuming and says to her neighbour: “The driver just insulted me!” He replies: “Go and tell him off – I’ll hold your monkey."


    HERE is the top joke in the US:

    Two men are playing golf when one sees a funeral procession pass the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap and prays.

    His friend says: “That’s the most thoughtful and touching thing I ever saw.”

    The first man replies: “Well, we were married 35 years.”


    Here is the top joke in Australia:

    A woman tells the doctor: "I looked in the mirror and my hair was all frazzled, my skin was wrinkled, my eyes were bloodshot and my face looked corpse-like. What's wrong?"

    The doctor look at her for a minute, then says: "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."


    HERE is the top joke in Belgium:

    Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

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    HERE is the top joke in Northern Ireland:

    A doctor says to his patient: “I have bad news and worse news. Firstly, you have only 24 hours to live.”

    Patient: “That’s terrible, how can it possibly get worse?”

    Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”


    HERE is the top joke in Canada:

    When Nasa first sent up astronauts they found ballpoint pens wouldn’t work in zero gravity.

    Scientists spent 12billion dollars developing a pen that worked in zero gravity, upside down, under water, on any surface and in freezing temperatures. The Russians used a pencil.


    HERE is the top joke in Germany:

    A general noticed a soldier behaving oddly, picking up a piece of paper, frowning and saying: “That’s not it,” before putting it down.

    The general arranged for the soldier to have psychological tests, which showed that he was deranged.

    So the general wrote out a discharge form. The soldier picked it up and said: “That’s it!”

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    HERE is the top joke in England:

    Two weasels are sitting in a bar when one starts to insult the other, screaming: “I slept with your mother!”

    The bar goes quiet while everyone listens for the reply.

    The other weasel says: “Go home, Dad, you’re drunk.”


    HERE is the top joke in Wales:

    A tortoise in New York was mugged by a gang of snails.

    When a detective asked him what had happened, he replied: “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”


    Here is the top joke in Scotland:

    I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.